Have you ever wanted a friend? Do you need a hobby, or court-mandated community service time? How about a way to assert dominance over nature, so as to cope with the deep emptiness inside your soul? Well, welcome to the world of stick pets!
In this first ever manual, you will learn how to become a professional stick adventurer who can skillfully find a stick in the wild, bravely capture it, and domesticate it into a fun, indoor pet.
Drawing on our 40 years of combined experience in the stick pet world, we will walk you through the whole rewarding journey, sharing TIPS and TRICKS that cover important subjects, like:
1. What is a stick anyway??
2. Mental and physical preparation before a capture
3. Approaching and safely restraining a stick
4. Acclimating your stick to the indoors through psychology and fun games
5. Socializing your stick pet
6. Avoiding the lifelong wrath of Mommy and Daddy Trees, who hate humans and may try to take you out as revenge next time you take a leisurely walk in the woods.
Upon purchase, you will be emailed a 70+ page PDF digital manual, which includes a totally legitimate bonus stick hunting license!
*Note: A complimentary manual is already included with the purchase a one-year stick sponsorship.
Did your parents lose your birth certificate? That doesn’t matter anymore. Now that you’re a parent, a stick parent, you’ll stay on top of all that stuff. This blank PDF certificate of adoption will allow you to fill in vital details about your stick, including name, adoption date, weight, length, and girth. Frame it and display it proudly on the wall! Will your parents say anything when they come to visit? What about your landlord when he kickstarts the eviction process? Only time will tell! Makes a great gift.
Make a bag for your stick to safely store its lip gloss while rolling around all day. You can even make matching bags for you and your stick pet. What better way to proclaim your friendship to the world! Upon purchase, you will receive a PDF document of instructions to help you sew this stylish adventure bag. This project will require needle, thread, string, and fabric.
What do sticks wear when they go out clubbing? A sparkle skirt, of course! Now you can sew a fun, colorful skirt for your stick to show off on your next completely platonic friend trip to Miami or Ibiza. Upon purchase, you will receive a PDF document of instructions to help you sew this sparkle bonanza. This project will require needle, thread, stretchy fabric, and elastic.
Forget Nike or Adidas, your stick deserves a one-of-a-kind kick that will earn it some street cred down by the river (editors’ note: check on internet if kids are still talking like this). Did you notice we said kick? That’s right, sticks only have one foot, and it’s the right one. No, but seriously, they are right-footed. Lucky for you, this means your project time is cut in half. Upon purchase, you will receive PDF instructions on how to sew this fresh sneaker. This project will require cotton or canvas fabric, foam fabric, embroidery floss, needle, and thread.
Do forest fairies fly around naked? For that matter, do evil forest spirits just let it all hang out? Of course not! So why should your stick? This is your chance to make a beautiful fuzzy skirt for your stick pet that is not only cute but also warm. It’s a great addition to your role playing games at home too, it’s really not weird at all! Upon purchase, you will receive PDF instructions on how to sew this gorgeous skirt. This project will require fuzzy fabric, elastic, matching thread, and needle.
Have you ever been to a party? Don’t worry if not. Now you can just make your own party with your own friends—stick friends, that is! This fun party hat will make your stick feel festive as you boogie on down, drink punch, and laugh while recounting your long days together. Upon purchase, you will receive PDF instructions on how to craft this fun and festive piece. This project will require a hot glue gun (or regular glue), a sheet of felt, feathers, and any other optional add-ons.
Is your stick not responding to your directions? Does it just sit there, ignoring you? This cheat sheet features more than a dozen common verbal commands, helping you train and improve your communication with your stick pet. You could even use some of them as party tricks to impress friends or acquaintances, when you finally get invited to a party. Happy training!
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